It feels wrong to type that title. How can there be benefits of infertility? The words 'benefit' and 'infertility' used together in a phrase cause incongruence in the mind. How can this heartbreaking struggle coincide with anything positive? The answers to these questions lay entirely in your mindset.
I will be the first to admit that my mindset changes multiple times a day. I am not always upbeat about the struggles of infertility. I have moments of hopelessness, helplessness, and grief. Yet sometimes, I have glimpses of hope, inspiration, and understanding. These competing emotions fight for mind space, and it is easier to let the negative ones win. It takes continual intentionality to bring glimpses of positivity to the forefront of the mind and keep them there. Today is the opportunity to challenge our mindset and find the light in what seems like an utterly dark situation.
Finding Your Desire
In many ways, experiencing infertility forces one to consider their true desires in relation to parenthood. For some people, pregnancy is something that comes before a person fully understands their own long-term family aspirations. For others, pregnancy is something 'that will happen when it happens'. While not opposed to becoming a parent, it is something that is not an immediate priority. Then there are those who plan the timing of their children and execute the plan with little effort.
For those of us struggling with infertility, we do not fit into any of these categories. We do not get the opportunity to become parents on a whim or easily become pregnant as soon as we are ready. Instead, we get the opportunity to consider how badly we want to be a parent. We get to understand our desire to have a child. We get to fight for our child before they even exist. We get to fully experience the desire that is in our hearts, and if we do get pregnant, there will be no question as to whether that child is wanted.
Finding Your People
By nature, humans are social creatures. We desire connection and tend to gravitate towards those who are similar to us in some way. While battling infertility, we get to meet some amazing people. From doctors and nurses to other people who have been or are in the same shoes, we are given the opportunity to connect and have deep conversations with people we may have otherwise never known.
Beyond the people we meet because of this journey, we are also given the opportunity to connect deeper with those who are already in our lives. When you go through battles, those that stay by your side and keep fighting with you are 'your people'. Find them, lean on them, be there for them, and let them be there for you.
Finding Your Strength
Have you heard the saying 'choose your hard'? Being continually upset is hard. Focusing on the positive is hard. Choose your hard. Feeling helpless is hard. Feeling hopeful is hard. Choose your hard.
Infertility is hard, and we didn't choose it. However, we do get to choose how we act and react to each situation that comes our way because of it. We get to dig deep and find out just how strong we are. The physical pain related to infertility is real. The poking and prodding, the insertion of objects into unpleasant locations, the procedures, the shots, and the medication side effects are beyond unpleasant. So why do we keep doing it month after month? We have found a strength that perhaps we didn't know existed. In addition to the physical pain, mental trauma associated with infertility is real, yet we keep putting ourselves through the cycle of hope and loss because we are stronger than the mental anguish we endure. We get to experience a strength that we may have never known was in us.
Finding Your Purpose
In this section, I cannot speak in the collective 'we', because your purpose will be as unique as you are. Over the years, I have watched my purpose emerge: helping others along their own journey while using my voice to advocate and educate. I want to walk beside you while I am in the midst of the same battle. I want to fight with you, lift you up in prayer, and celebrate with you when your journey to parenthood finds its conclusion. I want to advocate for those who are not in the place to do so themselves. I want to educate those who do not understand the impact that infertility has on the lives of so many. I want you to know that you are not alone.
I believe that God does all things with purpose and intentionality. If He has chosen you to walk this path, there is a purpose. Pursue it.
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