I have been dealing with infertility struggles for many years. Today, I wanted to take a moment to focus on the words and lessons of God on this topic.
Did you know the first recorded words God spoke to mankind were about fertility? In Genesis chapter 1, God's first recorded words to Adam and Eve were to "be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth" (Gen. 1:28, ESV). While this dialog is expanded in future chapters, these words are what God chose to be included as the first communication to man in the creation story.
In the previous verse, Gen 1:27, God explains that mankind will be made in his image. The first example we are offered of God's attributes is that of a 'creator'. God is presented to us as one whose desire is to create life and beauty. If we as humans are created in God's image, it only makes sense that we would also desire to create new life. It is an innate and natural human instinct, one of God's first gifts to mankind.
God is a good and giving father. Just as he gave me a desire to bear children, he also gave me multiple examples of how to navigate infertility. In fact, in the very first book of the Bible, God gives us three examples through Sarah, Rebekah, and Rachel. Not one, but THREE. This exemplifies God's great love for us. He knew that infertility would be a troublesome and tormenting struggle for some people; therefore, he offers multiple opportunities to help navigate it early in the Bible. When God repeatedly says something, He wants us to listen. So let's take a look at these early examples of infertility.
Sarah
In Genesis Chapter 15, we read a dialog between Abram (later renamed Abraham) and God. During this conversation, God tells Abram he will create a great nation from his offspring which will outnumber the stars. Abram notes that he is currently childless, but he believes in the Lord's promise. As we move to the next chapter, we are given a look at an aspect of infertility that many of us face: Impatience. Abram's wife Sarai (later renamed Sarah) became impatient with God's timing. As Abram was now 86 years old, she believed it was time to take matters into her own hands. So Sarai convinced Abram to marry her handmaiden so she could bear offspring for them. Abram married Hagar, and she conceived.
Once Hagar conceived, we see another aspect of infertility that is a struggle: Watching those around us become pregnant. Sarai and Hagar begin to be at odds. Hagar has contempt for her mistress, and in return, Sarai deals "harshly" with Hagar (Gen 16:6). She then endures years of watching Hagar raise a son with Abram while remaining barren herself. As we move into chapter 18, Sarah overhears a conversation in which Abraham is told that in a year, Sarah will conceive a son. Sarah laughed...out loud...and her first thought was yet another one so many people struggle with: It's too late for me. Sarah had already gone through menopause, was 86 years old, and had given up on the dream of having a child. At this point, Abraham was nearly 99. When asked why she laughed, she lied about it.
In the narrative above, we are given a picture of a woman struggling with infertility who decides to take things into her own hands and was troubled by the outcome of doing this. She was also a woman who had given up all hope, laughed at God, and lied about it. She made some mistakes. However, even with her mistakes, God was faithful to his promise. Abraham and Sarah were given a son, Isaac.
This story brings joyous hope because we are imperfect. It is easy to feel that our sin and our fleshly struggles must be the reason we have not conceived yet. God must be punishing us for our sins, and if only we could be better people, he would grant our desire. God does not work like this. Sarah was also imperfect. She had sinned and had the cards stacked against her, yet God prevailed. He cares for us and for our desires, but only he knows the right timing.
Rebekah
A few chapters later, Sarah and Abraham's only son Isaac, marries a woman named Rebekah. He is already 40 years old, and their heart's desire is to start a family. However, Rebekah is barren. This is the second generation of barrenness in a family that God promised would birth nations. Isaac loved Rebekah and fervently prayed to God to grant them a child. He prayed for twenty years before receiving an answer. Let me say that again...He waited TWENTY years. Waiting is hard, but sometimes it is God's will.
Rebekah becomes pregnant with twins but experiences a rough pregnancy. Genesis 25:22 tells us that 'the children struggled together within her". Rebekah's response to her pregnancy complications is again very relatable to those struggling with infertility and child loss. She asks her husband and eventually God why this is happening. If God allowed her to conceive, why would He allow her to have such a complicated pregnancy? It turns out, that even her pregnancy was a foreshadowing of what was to come...part of a larger picture. Her children, Esau and Jacob, would be the fathers of two nations divided. There would be turmoil between them and their offspring. Rebekah was granted her heart's desire to have children, but things probably didn't go according to the plan she had envisioned for her family.
There are many times when life circumstances are beyond our comprehension. Why allow a pregnancy to near the end, only to miscarry? Why allow mothers to die in childbirth? Our plans are not God's plans and our ways are not his ways. Sometimes, we may not understand why things turn out the way they do, but there is a purpose. In Rebekah's case, she was an integral part of continuing the lineage of the Jews in which the King of the Jews would one day be born. Her story was part of a bigger story God was telling.
Leah & Rachel
Leah: Later in Genesis, Rebekah's son Jacob sets his heart on marrying a woman named Rachel who had an older sister named Leah. Through a series of events, Jacob had to first marry Leah in order to also take Rachel as his wife. Once he was married to both sisters, it became clear that Jacob loved Rachel more than Leah. Because of this, God granted Leah children while Rachel was left barren. After her second child, Leah cried out, “Because the Lord has heard that I am hated, he has given me this son also” (Gen. 29:33). She later bore a third and fourth child. With each birth, she thought that Jacob would love her more, but this does not seem to be the case. Leah also bore Jacob a fifth and sixth son, but still felt lonely and unloved.
While Leah was granted children, she did not have the type of love her heart desired from her husband. This story is included not because it exemplifies infertility. Instead, it is a picture of that woman who you watch have child after child. You feel left behind. You watch and wait. You think everyone else has it all, but maybe they don't. Maybe they have children and lack another important aspect of their life. We do not know their story.
Rachel: Watching and waiting is exactly what Rachel had to do. God promised this lineage would continue, and yet he made generation after generation wait on him and his timing. She was the third woman in three generations to experience infertility. She watched her sister and husband conceive and have children time and time again while she remained unable to do so herself.
In Genesis 30, we see that Rachel envied her sister. The Bible describes envy as the wickedness of man's heart in Mark 7:22. Rachel had wickedness in her heart. Yet, even while she struggled with sin, "God remembered Rachel, and God listened to her and opened her womb" (Gen. 30:22). Rachel provides us with another example of an ordinary woman who struggled and sinned, yet God still loved her and gave her a child. She just had to wait.
Waiting can be hard, tiresome, and seemingly unbearable at times. It is easy to envy those with children, but instead of focusing on what we are missing, perhaps we should focus on our blessings while we are asked to wait. However, just because we are made to wait in one area of our lives, does not mean we put everything on hold. Serve God in the present, love your spouse in the present, make positive strides in the present. Then maybe one day, God will grant you your desire in His timing.
Lesson's Learned
I have heard the stories of these 'barren women' many times throughout my life. The depiction left in my mind has always been of women who were holy prayer warriors. Women who God granted children because of their faithfulness and life well lived. God gave them their desires because in some way they were holier than I could ever be. I always viewed these women as unreachable.
Much can be said about the power of prayer in these stories; however, I recently read them in a new light. Embedded in the pages of Genesis, I found broken women. I found women who questioned God, envied, and took things into their own hands. They were sinners...like me. They were imperfect...like me. They felt empty...like me. BUT GOD, (oh how I love those words), looked past their sin and with mercy granted their desires because of the great love with which he loves us. From these stories, I draw strength. I have a savior who loves and truly knows what is best for my life. Whether that is a biological child, an adopted child, or no child at all, He has a plan.
"For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known." I Cor. 13:12
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